DRIVEN

Oh my! I just read seriously one of the most amazing books of my life! It is called Driven and is by W.G. Griffiths, and pretty much everyone should read it! Especially if you like to read, which, I do.It's kind of like a murder mystery but like with this amazing depth to it. It explores, God and heaven and the devil also, and I know that the ideas explored aren't true, but it makes an interesting read, and it is very well written. I just love it! I especially like the fact that it was a really intense book, and definitely adult, but even though there could have been innapropriate material it wasn't there at all, which is quite a surprise, considering a lot of recent literature. ANd okay honestly, I am not one to censor books, I believe in the freedom of expression and I think that if you remove any part of a book, it loses a part of its identity, as does the author. If I feel uncomfortable reading something, than it is my job to find something else to read, no author should be forced to conform to my beliefs. IT just shouldn't be done. Anyways... I am a bookaholic, like for real, ever since I started to read, which I admit was a little late, I have been unable to "quit" books. My mom has always said that I need a reading patch, but even if such a thing did exist, I would never, ever, submit. There is so much to learn through reading, you can experience things and places and even feelings that you have never even witnessed before, and it is absolutely amazing. And to be quite honest, odds are that if you ever call me at home, my nose is probably deeply nuzzled in the pages of my newest book.

RAWR (this will be a confusing blog but if you are interested in my life, it may be worth reading)

And it came to pass that i did say rawr... but to be absolutely honest, I say rawr a great deal. It is one of my favorite angry words, but I do not limit myself to only say it when I am angry, I could not do that. I have no idea what in the world this blog is about.... I was the mc for the young womens fashion show today... to bad I am not the most fantastic of the mc's but i suppose, all together it was a worthwhile affair... GO modesty! Haha... um but okay I will get into the deep stuff now. Lately I have been thinking about marriage a lot, practically all the time, which is so weird because it is not like i am swimming in marriage prospects. But I guess it stems from the fact that I have just graduated from high school, and in the fall I will be going to college, and I am so very excited, but considering the fact that I am a mormon girl living in utah, generallyit is expected that you marry rapidly. Not to say that I would be unhappy with marriage. You see I have been realizing what it is I want in the person I marry, and how important a temple marriage is to me. I never knew how important it was until just recently I went to a friends brothers wedding, it was beautiful, and you could tell how very much they loved each other, but I could feel inside of me that they were only married for this life, and I want to be married forever. And you see that just brings up even more confusion, If i get married I don't want to rush into it, marriage isn't something that you play with, and I know it won't be easy, but it is imperative, and I want to make sure that the person I choose is someone I will love forever, and someone who will love me, just as much. And then I think about the other side of the matter, the disapointment an early marriage could cause for my family. You see I have always been like the one person in my imediate and extended family for whom education has been a serious priority, and I feel as though if I were to marry, everyone would think that I am crazy, which quite possibly, I am. But I don't even know why in the world I am even talking about this because, as of now, I am so not getting married. But I am GOING TO COLLEGE!!!!!!!!!! And I seriously am so excited, I have been waiting for college FOREVER. I like to learn, I like to meet new people, and I am ready to try living more on my own. I am just ready for a change! So, change, here I come!

Goals

I have decided that more than anything else, I want to be a friend. I want to be the kind of person that people want to be with, the kind that is there whether things are going well or everything is wrong. I know that friendships are constantly being made and broken, and even when they are firmly established, they never cease to change. I am easily attached, and I try to always be considerate and mindful of people around me and though I am not always successful, it is something I earnestly try for. I love people and I hope that I can have the kind of impact that some of my greatest friends have had on me. I want to be the kind that people will want to stay friends with forever, the kind they know they can come to with any problem, and that whatever they need, I will give, if I can. I want to be the person to laugh or cry with, the one you can talk to for hours about nothing or everything, and the person you can go to if for one moment, you want to be put first.. That is the person I wish to become. I think that with people I already know, I am doing okay on this level, my problem is with people I have newly met. People tend to think I am shy which, to be quite honest, is true. Before I get to know people, I am the quiet one, the girl who doesn't talk much at all. I'd like to start not being that way, my problem is that I have no idea how, so it looks as though I am going to have to wing it... But to everyone who is already my friend, you have made an impact on my life that is forever, and I will not forget you.

Graduation

It looks as though I have graduated but to be quite honest it does not feel that way at all. I feel the same, I am ready for my life to happen, but I've felt like that forever. I don't know, maybe I expected some like great change of heart or something, but that is not the way it works. See life is great, and it is funny, it doesn't work the way you plan it, because you can't always know what is right for you. We all make plans, things we want so badly that it hurts, and sometimes they don't work and for awhile it is absolutely crushing. But then a different path forms in front of your eyes and it's better than anything you could have imagined, it feels good. And it doesn't mean that everything is perfect, of course not. That would not be any fun at all. But it is better than you thought, and even though it is different, you know it is right and you are glad that you trusted. We can't see on forever in front of us, and we cannot even remember all the things that have already happened to us, so sometimes someone else can better know what we need.