To speak your mind

The words you say are not the words you feel. They are a censored version created to make everyone happy and to keep you safe from judgement. It is not your fault, everyone does it. We are all so afraid of what other people think that we forget about how we feel. We forget the freedom honest words can earn you, we remember only the pain we feel when our ideas are thrown to the ground. And, sometimes they are. That pain is more physical than it should be. It feels as though a part of you has died and will never come back. You can never believe that again, it is wrong, and will never be right. No wonder progress is slow, the whole world has a bad habit of pandering. We wand to look and sound good for everyone else because what they say matters more. It shouldn't. We need to start caring more about what needs to be done and less about what the "important" people will think about it. Not every idea can be amazing, but that doesn't mean that you should never share one, what if you have the idea that will change the world and you hid it away to become perfect in a dusty corner of your mind. However bad it feels to share an idea and have it trashed, it is worse to have the chance to save a life and throw it away.

My impending death

So, this blog is about the signs I have seen of my deaty and why. Yesterday it began when I was watching both how to lose a guy in ten days and CSI at the same time. It waas the first time I had ever seen anyone on tv with my same name, and in the episode of CSI the murder victim was named Corinne, a little bit creepy, eh? But here comes the really scary part, the next show to come on was Patch Adams which I had never seen before, but the female lead was a woman named Corinne. And, consequently near the end of the movie she was brutally murdered by a man named Larry. All of this happened with in about a three hour period and at the end I was slightly freaked out. I do not believe that TV can predict the future but nevertheless I knew that it must mean something. Perhaps my life is not a life at all, but instead a book that some soon to be famous author is writing and the death of two Corinne's in one day was a strange foreshadowing of my impending death. This author must be extremely talented because my life feels quite like a real life, and my friends and family don't seem to be fictitious characters but it could be possible. Another option is that my life is more like the Truman Show and I was chosen as a baby to star in a reality TV show that I would never know about, but instead of figuring it out, the world would become bored with my show and I would be murdered to add some action. I actually do not believe either of these theorys but I had to write a blog about something and that strange coincidence seemed like a good Idea.

My friends, again

I know that I have already written about my friends but, they are pretty good friends so one blog was not enough to fully describe them. Lately we have been discussing the reasons for our friendship and those reasons are as follows, Aubree has a phone, Becky has a car, And I, though lacking things of a material nature, am there to help them with their English needs and to solve minor disagreements. The real reason though is that both of them are completely amazing people who I can talk to and have fun with even when my legs are being, slowly and tortorously freed of hair. Cool is not enough of a word to describe them, and fantastic is a little bit too lame.
I have had best friends before but no friendship has ever been so important to me as this one. People always say that your High school friends will not be your friends after High school is over, but I hope that it will not be true, at least in this case. Some High school friendships may collapse due to the insecurity of their foundation, but, my friends know things about me that I have never dared to share with anyone not related to me. If your name happens to Becky or Aubree, I hope that you know this is for real. I like you guys a lot and I will track you down. Well I hope that this hasn't been overly sentimental and goopy because that was not what I was going for. The end.

College confusion

I am a mere junior in high school and it seemed that college was many many moons away. But, that all ended yesterday when I received 18 emails from various colleges and universities, in addition to the three letters I received on that same day. I hope that all of these college board members realize that I am not nearly so interesting as they seem to think I am. The Email that I was most excited to receive is the one from Stanford University about a summer learning program for high school students interested in attending Stanford where you take courses and stay in dorms for a month over the summer. Why are colleges so very interested in my attendance? I think I have found the solution, they are under the severely misguided impression that high test scores mean genius sized brains. So, so untrue. It is not of course that I am stupid, many an IQ test has proved that to me, but I do not want to send a false impression of superior brilliance that I can never live up to. But the confusion I feel is not only because of that. There is that whole thing of knowing what to do with my life, I have no lack of ideas or desires but I do have a slightly gargantuan amount of indecision deep with in me and also quite near to the surface. This blog has mostly been an (analytical) shpeel about my inability to make life effecting decisions but nevertheless it has been effective in convincing myself of my own large cash of options between which I have no hope to decide.