Thursday, May 15, 2008
Aaaaaaah
I'd like to pretend that I don't care, if only I could convince myself. You know the way that people tell you everything happens for a reason, and even though you know it is true, it is so hard to make yourself believe it? I got turned down for france, and it hurts like literally it hurts, because I always always allow myself to get so attached to things that aren't even mine yet, and that quite possibly never will be. And then when I am certain that this one time what i want is going to be right and it WILL be what i get, it just isn't. But okay I know i am sounding so negative right now and I apologize but you have to realize that i just found out today, so it's fresh and new, and it smarts. SO of course I find myself wishing that i just did not care about anything, but that of course would make life a million times less meaningful, so it's okay. And now also I am left with a choice. I am just finishing high school and i need to decide what college i'll go to, or if really i just want to check with some au pair positioning place, and still go to france. And I really have no idea. I don't know what I want yet. I know that good things will happen and that everything will end up okay but for now it hurts. That's the way it is. SO I guess I need to just look forward and figure it out so I can be okay... or better yet, fantastic.
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3 comments:
I wish I didn't care sometimes too. Mostly about boys. I am such a girl sometimes. *sigh*
Oh well. We can both care too much about everything!!!
Like caring too much about still holding the same handles on the bin full of firewood....Let's walk backwards :)
Oh... I am soooo sorry!!!! I've been thinking about you a lot and wondering what was going on. Believe me, I know exactly how you're feeling. Sometimes it's the things we desire most in life that we just can't have. Sometimes it's hard to get perspective and just trust the Lord that he knows what's best for us. For some reason, it's hard for us to do that too.
Well... I'm feeling pretty sad for you! Come stop by if you ever need to talk! Luv you! Sher
I'm so sorry Rin! Like I said, I think they're missing out on the best nanny in the world, and they don't even know it. You'll be off to bigger and better things :) and it won't hurt anymore.
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