Reservations

There are times when you have no one to talk to. It is not that no one cares, or that no one wants to help, but it is because of you (me). When I cannot find anyone to talk to it is usually because I do not want to burden anyone with my problems, or because I feel bad and I don't want them to understand because if they did I would have to listen to what they had to say. I wish that I could just feel comfortable talking to some one and showing them a part of myself that they may not be able to see other wise. But I don't. There was a time where I was more open, I talked to two people I trusted completely, and it felt good. Until, I was betrayed. That may seem to be a strong word but actually it is weak compared to how I felt at the time. One woman listened to me and helped me, and the other spread my secrets. I still feel sick when I see her. I don't know, that is kind of a stupid thing, it has been a long time and I should have forgiven her completely, and I think I have, until I see her and remember. It isn't fair for me to feel that way towards her when, truly she was trying to help. I can't really help it though, I'm not angry, I just have a hard time retaining food inside my stomach when she is around. I don't know exactly where I am going with this, but I had to get it out on paper (or the Internet) so I wouldn't have it festering inside of me.