Confusing

Why must life be so confusing? I know what it is that I want or that I need to do, but when I finally do it or get it I don't want it so much anymore. Or even when I do like it I still dread having to do it. I am going about this in a round about way but what I am mostly talking about is my job. I really like it, I have had fun so far in this week of work, the other employees are nice and it is fun talking to all of the different people I am helping. Some of them are nice and talk to me like I am actually a real person, but, others seem to be under the impression that I am a stupid humanoid that is only there to cater to their every whim and be blamed for the bad day they are having. But overall I like it and though I am only making minimum wage it seems worth it. So, the question is that if I like my job so much, and I do, why do I dread going every time I have to go? Well I really don't know. It was the same way when I worked on a farm over the summer, I loved it (I really did Aubree, so don't laugh at me) but I never wanted to go in the morning when the time to leave had come. I think that it has to do with the fact that going to work is required, I can't just skip because I am tired or just lazy, I have to go. That is a responsibility that is hard for me to accept I want to be free and able to do anything that I want to do. It would be so much easier to go if I could decide to skip out. I want to go to work, but I don't want to HAVE to go. That is my final and conclusive analysis, I don't want to have to do anything, that is how I get my blog done on time I pretend that it is just my for fun weekly thing that just happens to count for English credit.

Christmas

It is Christmas eve, all is well, and I am so freaking excited. I apologize for the bad language but I am. The best part of Christmas eve is, that it means the next day is Christmas. On Christmas I always get insanely excited, you know, the kind of excited where you can't sleep, think, or even, well I guess that's about it, properly. OK please excuse any nonsense-making I may have caused you because I am at the moment suffering from that particular type of excitement. Right now I am thinking to myself, "Why am I so excited?" Well let's face it, the truth is that my excitement comes from the insane desire to receive gifts. I am greedy like that but at least I am honest. Well I cannot let gift receiving take all of the credit, I do get some small amount of joy from seeing others opening the gifts I have for them. Alright by this point I am probably see, like a spoiled brat of death who doesn't deserve any of the presents she will get, but I'm not, I promise. Who doesn't like presents? Not to many people that I can think of. I hope that you, my oh so loyal reader feel that just the mere act of my writing this blog for you to read is gift enough because that is all that I have to offer to you (unless your name is Aubree, Becky, Kali, or mom.) Anyways that is about as much analyticalness as one Christmas eve and any non-blind reader can take so I am just going to shut my trap and hope that you return again (slightly redundant, but it works) to read my excellent works of writing.

The greatest thing you will ever learn is just to love and be loved in return. That line is repeated frequently through the film Moulin Rouge, and it, at first puzzled me very much. The first part seems to make perfect sense to love is definitely something you must learn to do, but the second half caused me some confusion. How can a person learn to be loved? This idea of learning to be loved did not appear first in Moulin Rouge, before that it was found in the Disney movie Beauty and the Beast. The Beast did not just have to learn how to love another but he had to learn to be loved by another.
After a serious amount of thinking I realized how true that statement is. It is often so easy to love other people, there are so many good things that they have done to make you love them but how could they love you? You know yourself, the mistakes you have made, the thoughts you have thought, and the things you have said. How could anyone love someone so imperfect and mean? But we forget that they too are imperfect. That is learning to be loved, it is realizing that you can be loved. And how important that is, we could of course just live unloved and alone and be perfectly fine. But could we really? We must learn to be loved so we can learn to love ourselves. Being unloved can sometimes lead to some seriously amazing artwork or angry music but that high quality of artwork is more easily repeated when there are people who care to see it. Alright maybe that seems a little too "awe cute, love can fix anything," but that is not how it was meant. Love cannot fix any problem it will not be able stop every misguided person in this world from committing the crimes they might want to commit, but it can make those crimes seem insignificant to those hurt by them.

My best friends

I have two best friends. Together we make an unstoppable trio of crazy teenage swimmers. And there is nothing wrong with crazy swimmers. It is hard to write about my friends because there is really nothing that normal about our relationship with each other. We, for example, are not always the nicest to each other, when one of us does something stupid the others have no problem pointing it out and bringing it up later when we have just began to believe that they may have forgotten, but, it always ends up with everyone laughing, not just those who were not involved. With the meanness aside we are always there for each other, when life becomes too dark and cold for us to handle we always have someone to turn to. That is what friendship is for.
Everyone needs people who can laugh at their mistakes but who can also help you out when it seems that the mistakes are too much to deal with. My friends are here for me at those times and I also am here for them.
I suppose I lied when I said that I have only two best friends, there is a third who I have failed to mention. Her name is Kali and I have known her as long as I can remember. She is a couple of years younger than me and she is one of the funniest and sweetest people that I know. Our families have been hanging out together often for many moons and it seems that we are related. My mom calls Kali’s dad her brother from another mother and the younger kids in her family really believe that she is their aunt Heidi. It is strange that Kali and I actually like each other because we have spent more time with each other than the average friends but some how we always manage to get along and unite against the forces of grouchy younger brothers (who we love.)
Friends are a very important part of life they are the reason behind school being worth it and they create the fun in boring situations. Without friends my life would be rather boring and I would probably live in a slightly darkened room with a flashlight and a couple of books that I can recite without even glancing at a page. Thank you friends for preventing me from becoming a hermit, that means all of you not just the ones I mentioned by name or in secret code.

People

Each person is different and though I have always accepted the differences of others it amazes me that what I find to be beautiful can be seen by someone else as insignificant and meaningless. It seems that what I see as beauty should be beautiful for everyone but, alas, it is not so. I am a great lover of art; I can spend a very long time staring at a "beautiful" picture or sculpture or anything really, trying to find out why I feel such a connection to it. That is the way I am and I often find myself expecting everyone else to be the same way. If all people were just like me I would blend in and just be another face in the crowd of corinnes but instead I stand out, I am an individual, and I in some small way am important. The things that make me myself are the things that set me apart and those same things cannot be found in anyone else. There are some things that I do not see as beautiful but somewhere else there is someone who sees the beauty, that is why we are here: To find the beauty in the things we love and to show that beauty to others. The beauty others see may at first seem alien and bizzar but it is beauty and when you find it it makes the difference. This beauty is ofcourse subjective but that is the point, to make everything seem beautiful in some way so we don't have to worry about the superficial.
The world does seem to be a very superficial place, every one is so worried about what is going on with Jennifer Aniston or Tom Cruise or where they should go to get their new nose that they forget about their friends and their lives. It seems that high school should be the main location for this problem but it stretches beyond that. Appearance is everything, if you are not pretty enough you are probaly not smart enough either. It is amazing that our world is at this level. This is not to say that everyone is like that but there are many people who feel that the most important thing is the image they create with their slimming clothes and anti-aging make up. The famous do not wrinkle, they do not grow old and they would never ever feel bad about themselves. Celebrities are real, they are not as they seem: perfect skin always smiling and unreachable. Instead they are just llike you and me, they have days where they hurt so bad all they want to do is cry and they have those moments where they are so blissfully happy that they want to live in that one moment for the rest of their lives. We of course are not allowed to see this more personal part of the people we watch on our television and in movies in our own homes. They are just like us.
We are sometimes blind to the realness of the famous. They do not show us how they feel so we believe that they do not. They cannot seem so perfect and still be like us. Every day we experience things that no one before has ever quite experienced, we feel alone and cold and, it seems that we must be. Everyone does such a good job of covering their pain that no one feels comfortable sharing, we think to ourselves, "They will not understand," or "There is no way that they could acually want to know." But they do want to know those people who you can really trust actually do care. As people we are faced with trial and feelings that are strong and controlling. We are not alone, there is always someone who is willing to try to understand. Their feelings may not be the same as yours, and their experiences certainly won't be but they can help. Empathy is the great strength of humans. Others can care about things that seem to only affect you.