To be a mother

I have never been one of those girls who would answer, I want to be a mom, when asked the question "What do you want to be when you grow up." Oh, how I wish I was. But even now I really still am not, I mean I do of course want to be a mother, and recently, that desire has become so strong in me, it's like a burning. I really really want to be a mom. But also i want to be a million things, have a career and be able to honestly tell my daughters that they can do WHATEVER it is they want, no matter what it is. I feel, you know, a little on the evil side for even mentioning the fact that I want to be more than a mom, I know and have seen how truly hard and terribly important motherhood is and I have huge respect for all mothers, but for myself at least, I want to get all the education I can and take advantage of all the opportunities that come my way. (somehow I have made myself out to be a complete jerk, which perhaps I am but I did not mean this at all in a jerkly way) This does not mean that I will put motherhood or starting a family on hold for a career -not that family starting is even a remote possibility for this 18 year old girl at the moment- but I do want to become everything I want and not just a part of who I could be. Sorry this is like the choppiest post ever but I hope I got my point across, I really want to be a mom, and I will be. But I also want to be a chemist and a linguist and a chef and an actress and a singer and a forensic scientist and a doctor and a lawyer and about a million things on a list that I should probably be narrowing down by now. Once I do, I will accomplish everything I feel is important, and just you wait until I have kids, they will be dang cute!

Defying Gravity

I went to see wicked on saturday with my aunt Sandy and it was absolutely amazing, I have been waiting to see it seriously for probably 4 years, I know every song by heart and I feel like elfaba and I should be best friends. I love the song Defying Gravity, it makes me feel like I can and should do whatever I dream and I feel understood. Sometimes things that seem bad are good and no one else really has the right to tell you what to do with your life, even when they are only trying to help. We are the only ones who know the whole story about our lives and when other people try to judge us for making what is in their opinion the "wrong" decision it is not their call. Decisions are hard and sometimes to make the right ones we have to go against what other people think and sometimes they cant understand. More than anything though, I want to defy gravity, I want to prove to the world what I am worth and I promise it is more than a little. I can and will do great things even with the major stumbling blocks that seem to always be placing themselves in my way. Everyone has lives full of hard, the important thing is to find the good behind the hard. Thank you Wicked for inspiring me, and seriously everyone if you haave a chance to go see it anywhere, take it, it is amazing and SO worth it.