Swim

I am one of the Mountain View swim captains next year, but the thing is, I am not fast or skilled nor do I have amazing endurance for the super long races. Sometimes I wonder if I should resign the title because the team needs a quick captain. But, maybe they need some one like me. I, though not fast, do not give up, I keep swimming until I can't anymore, and I like the feeling of water on my skin. There are bad days, days where I feel small, stupid, and slow, and I wonder why I even bother. It is a hard thing to swim every day and to see everyone else beat you to the wall... every time. If you have never felt that before, you can't understand. I am the one the coach puts in the slow lane to be with the new swimmers and easier sets despite my 2 years of swimming. And really you have no idea how much I wish I didn't need that. I would give almost anything to be fast. I really would.
But, there are also good days, days where I decide not to care about speed, days where I give myself up to the water and it seems like it is meant to be. The best time for this is in the warm up, I just swim and breathe as little as I can without feeling like I am going to die. It seems like I should be fast if it feels like this, but that's not the way it is. i don't know why it is me who can try and try and never get fast, but it is. I have needed to get used to it, and I still have days where I want to quit because it is so hard for me. But I don't, because I know the next day can only be better. When I have hit the lowest point, when I think there must be something wrong with me, because there is no way someone can be this slow, I know that I can make it. That I am better than giving up, that I am above that. And my knowledge of myself makes all the difference.